2:00 am post

Top Ten Reasons I Like Mountain Dew:

1. It's named after an alcoholic drink (similar to 'moon shine')
2. It's florescent yellow
3. Humming birds like it
4. Tastes good warm or cold
5. Could be considered a legal drug
6. Upside down, it almost spells 'mad uietunow'
7. Can substitute one 20 oz. bottle for one meal a day
8. Protects you from the Reptoid's mind ray
9. Sales predict tech sector market swings
10. The only food or drink i have never grown tired of, even if consumed daily for months on end.

I know what my next birthday cake is going to be, possibly served with Jiggle Billies (1 part whiskey, 1 1/2 parts orange juice, 1 part Mountain Dew)

This is a Nuclear Magnetic Resonance scan of Mountain Dew. :)

Comments

[Ojo Rojo]

I heard a news piece on NPR a week or so ago that involved the Dew. Apparently, speed addicts' drink of choice is Mountain Dew. Something about the chemicals in the drug makes them thirsty all of the time and they crave sweet tastes. So, Dew is an obvious choice. The kicker is, and the point of the news story, the combination of speed and Dew rots teeth at an incredible rate. The story was about the high costs of dentistry in prison systems now that many of the inmates are/have been addicted to meth. Meth is the new crack apparently. The dentists interviewed for the program made it clear that the type of damage due to the speed/dew combination was "incredible."

[Pembrose]

Ah, yes...the high ionization levels of Ethylketone-Alpha-3 within Mountain Dew (once in the blood stream)alter one's magnetic variance profile; thus, preventing the afore mentioned Reptiod mind ray's from premiating the cephalic membranes...This information was leaked by an Area 51 employee who went to work for Pepsi Cola after his tenure in Nevada (or perhaps it's a governmental conspiracy?!) Either way any further mention of the Reptiods should be kept to a minimum to avoid undue attention.

Agent Ivy

[MathJames]

Yes, perhaps your right. Here is the replacement for number 8:

8. The only known defense against 'The Stuff'.

[Pembrose]

(donning a tin-foil hat) I do what I can to keep America safe from "the Stuff"...and the Commies.(patting my holstered Colt .45)

Agent Ivy