Attention: Patients Update Required

Computers.

I have a definite love/hate relationship with them. They are just useful enough not to throw the frustrating things right out the window (is that a pun?). The case i have decided to pick on today are 'updates'. I hate updates. Just when you get used to your computer and all it's little foibles, along comes some update to make new ones. You know the ones: Internet browsers, active X controls, firewall protection, virus definitions, zip tools, audio codecs, spam filters, hardware drivers. Seems like half the time i want to do anything i can't because i don't have some kind of 'update'. Half of those times i just give up on what ever it is i wanted to do, because i know the process will take longer than i want to spend to do what ever it was i wanted to do in the first place, and thats if it goes smoothly.

Case in point, I decided to do a deep and thorough security scan of my computer today. The kind that takes a several hours of 'at the keyboard' work. In keeping with the spirit of the deep scan i wanted to update my virus definitions, which where out of date (see above reasoning) and sinse i was already committed to the time requirement...

I open my anti-virus software, and navigate to the update button, after clicking it, i get an error saying to reinstall the anti-virus software. What? They provide a link to a web site with more info, and apparently the updating portion of my security suite needed to be updated. ( oh, the irony!) Again, they provide a link to do just that, so i click it. The next screen, provided by the browser this time, tells me i can't view this page until i have updated my activeX controls, with, this must be my lucky day, another link to address this (that is a pun). No less than four activeX control updates later i am allowed to see the page to update my updater.

I update the updater, and it went smoothly and relitively quickly, can't remember if it required a restart or not though (i lost count -- read on). Then it was finally time to update the anti-virus software itself, this required a renewal fee, which i already knew and was prepared to pay, but did add to the whole 'chain of events' thing that i am going for here. Permission now payed for i update the anti-virus software, which half-way through informs me that i must re-run the updater when this one is finished. Which of course i did, after the required restart (man, i sure hope the 'restarter' doesn't need an update). I ran the updater two more times before it said all the updating was done, each needing it's own restart. Thankfully somewhere in the three updates the definitions where also updated. To recap, it took four updates to get to the update for the updater so that i could update my anti-virus software three times to update my virus difintions. Fuck me! I had better find Satan himself hiding out in my computer for all the trouble i'm going through.

But, it was finally done, and with no errors! But before you get to excited, i still have to update my anti-spyware , anti-spam, anti-adware, and last but not least, my firewall secruity. Then i can start the actual scanning. I'll let you know how it goes... next week... when i'm done. In a word, i'll give you an... update. :)

Comments

[Ojo Rojo]

What, did my nightmare computer overhaul get you in the mood for some frustration?

Mine is all done BTW. It's like having a new computer.

[MathJames]

I think maybe sub-conscienciously it did.

Mines done too now, after 6+ hrs of intensive at the screen 'work' not counting the two complete virus scans and a spyware scan that each took 2+ hrs, and finally went to bed with a complete defrag running - no telling how long that took.

I sad part is i consider that a record time. Due, in all fairness, to the fact that the whole process was pretty much error free. I'm actually kinda shocked.

Since i can't seem to stop typing right now, i'll go ahead and mention a little pet peev (sp?). You know the little 'progress bar' that shows up when ever your running some process? Well 1. the thing isn't really very useful, since it just tells you how many steps are left, not how much time is left - since some steps may take longer; and 2. WTF's with the bar saying the process is "100%" done and NOT being done, sometimes for a good minute or more?!?

[tom]

Just curious, here...
What OS do you use? What browser/version? What are the system specs for your computer?

[desert boy]

from someone who is woefully less adept at these things than probably all posters here, what os/browser do you recommend, tom? i currently use xp pro/mozilla.

[desert boy]

i'm with you, mj. those bars/notices irk me as well. btw, why did this take so long? when i run these programs, it only takes an hour, maybe less. am i failing to do something, perhaps? or is it b/c you have an older computer (i just bought one a few months ago)?

[MathJames]

Specs: Windows XP, IE 6, Pentium4 2.4 GHz, 1 GB RAM, 80 GB HDD (60 GB used)

DB, The scans took so long becuase they were full scans, maybe your just scaning system files, or maybe you don't have as much crap on your PC as i do :). The non-scan work took so long mostly becuase of the updating of the various progs., but also because of one particularlly pesky bit of adware. Which took an update to my adware scanner to completely remove, which by the way i highly recoommend - it's called Ad-Aware and it's free program and can be found here: http://www.lavasoftusa.com/software/adaware/

Now, i'm curious, DB, what are your specs and what level do you concider that computer to be at?

[MathJames]

That's recommend, I can only recoommend racoons.

[tom]

As far as browsers go, if you're locked into running Windows, I recommend running Firefox. James runs IE 6, which qualifies him as a "brave man".

I would also abandon Outlook (if you're using it), unless your office requires it. Thunderbird (the Firefox of email clients) is good enough.

AdAware is a must. So is good antivirus stuff. Free scanning is available online at Pandasoft (and their scanner tends to be better than the other online scanners).

http://www.pandasoftware.com/products/activescan.htm
(I think this actually only runs via IE, p.s.)

At work, we use something a little more robust, but if you don't want to spend the money this will do.

Last, if you are running Windows, I recommend investing in a firewall. There are software-based firewalls out there, and other products have them built in (some routers, for instance, and other hybrid products like 2Wire's HomePortal). You might already have a firewall. If not, shareware options are cheap and good. Be warned that the most common firewalls, such as ZoneAlarm, (and desktop-based antivirus programs, such as Norton) are specifically targeted by malware authors. Once the malware is inside, it knows how to punch holes in the firewall and prevent the AV from finding it.

Alternate solutions to all of this: get a Mac and run Mac OS X, or run Linux on your x86 box. Probably not practical except for the wealthy (in the first case) and the uber-geeks (in the second case).

[desert boy]

not sure what specs to which you are referring, but it's a dell inspiron 6000 with pentium m processor, 1 gig ram/100 gig hd. i think that dell publishes processor speeds which slightly differ from that of other pc's, not to mention macs, but i believe mine to be 1.78mhz or so.

[desert boy]

thanks, tom. of course, i'm neither weatlhy nor an uber-geek.

so, would you say then that my all-in-one norton package (which includes a firewall) is not enough? is it a bad idea to run two firewalls (eg, to also run the windows offering)?

[billy bonka]

Mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac. mac.

[MathJames]

Snob, snob, snob, snob, snob, snob, snob, snob, snob, snob, snob, snob. :)

If this was too rude forgive me i should know better than to post at 1 am when drunk.

That aside, how the hell are you, BB?

[MathJames]

DB, that can't be right. 1.78 megahertz? Even if it were gigahertz, that still seems quite a bit slow. check again. Mine's a Dell and 2.4 GHrz was mid-range two years ago.

[desert boy]

sorry, ghz. and i looked at it again and found that it's 1.92 ghz. per my earlier comments, the posted speed can be misleading. that and centrino processors give up some speed for mobility (battery life). i assure you, my laptop is fairly fast by current standards. your speed is referring to a standard pentium processor for a desktop and, from what i understand, isn't directly comparable. at least, when i browse with a 3+ desktop, i don't notice anything faster than with my sub 2.

[MathJames]

Ah, OK, it's a laptop - that sounds right then. Actually, your right, that sounds pretty good for a laptop.

[llogg]

Firefox!!!!! James, you really don't know what you're missing out on here.
Just curious, why do you prefer AdAware to Spybot?
Also, everyone should brace themselves for the switch to OpenOffice. It will replace the MS Office suite because it is 1) FREE, and 2) every bit as good, if not better. I know firsthand that it opens Word and Excel files flawlessly (i.e., no loss of formatting details) and it should open Publisher and Powerpoint files as well. The main bonus OpenOffice has over MS Office is the export to PDF function. With the MS products you have to have an Adobe PDF writer (like Acrobat). Of course, MS Office does not open the native OpenOffice files at all.

[MathJames]

Actually i do know what i'm missing out on, and that just makes it even more surpriseing i haven't switch to Firefox. The reasons i started using it is no longer there - When i first got this computer i wanted to experiment in "integration". I was using WindowsXP, IE, Outlook Express, Windows Messenger, Windows Media Player, everything Microsoft except MSN. In case your wondering how the experiment went, well the only things i'm still using are XP and IE, and i have no reason to stick with IE.

I don't neccessarily recommend AdAware over Spybot, there both good progs. I just recommend Adaware, because i happen to be more familiar with it, and it has always come through for me.

OpenOffice, hmmm, thats the second good recom. i heard. Will have to check it out.

[tom]

No, OpenOffice isn't as good as Office. It isn't even in the same ballpark. You can't beat the price, though.

[llogg]

Tom,
More explanation for your negative review please. It seems to be a reverse engineered clone of Word, Excel and Powerpoint. I'm not as familiar with Access so I don't know about that. All the controls and commands are extremely intuitive for anyone used to using MS Office. What are the hangups?

[tom]

Applications still to buggy. Slower. Crash-prone. Not compliant with many Wintel OS configurations that (while old) are still in production. OS-level integration weaker, buggier. Excel powerusers (and probably Word powerusers) will notice many features they rely on are not present. No DB component (MS Access, as you say). Excuse for no DB component downright ignorant (wahhh, just use postgres of mysql) -- hey dumbfucks, MS offers an enterprise DB too (SQL Server). Access is for lightweight db stuff like organizing record collections, and more of a ODBC playground for real dbs when needed. You can use MS Access as a gui to any ODBC db. The OOo guys need to compare apples to apples for crissakes for their db copout.

I'm a huge fan of open source and linux, and a fan of what OOo is trying to do, but it isn't close to being ready to replace Office for Office powerusers yet.

It'll get better. Wait a year. Maybe two. Then I'll agree with you.

[llogg]

The version I downloaded has a DB component. I find it difficult to use, but no more so than Access. Fortunately I have little use for databases right now so it's a non-issue for me. Honestly, I'm probably not much of a power-user and as such am more easy to appease. What most impressed me was the ease with which it handled Word documents with complex formatting. I'm sure there are issues, but I'm willing to go along for the ride, even if it's bumpy, because I am in favor of open source technology. (I would actually like to see this idea spread from software to other industries.)

[Helen Back]

Three words: Get a Mac.

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